I just typed those immortal words in a twitter exchange with Andy Jacobs. It immediately gave me flashbacks to my time at university when a fellow student uttered such ridiculous statements that a dedicated website to capture his wisdom.
I won’t give the full name of the individual involved – but the statements came to be known as Leeisms. Some of the best are featured below. I hope the odd one makes you smile.
This has nothing to do with HR – or maybe it is an example of how your student years don’t get left behind you in the way they once did.
Names have been adjusted to protect the guilty/innocent.
- To Chris: Your hair looks long, have you had it cut?
- French is the official language of England.
- X didn’t dump me, I just cried
- Speaking of the media’s pursual of Glenn Hoddle: It can’t be a witch hunt, he’s not a witch.
- Pluto isn’t the furthest planet from the Sun, Jupiter is. Jupiter is so big that it reaches beyond Pluto.
- I’ve seen this Simpson’s episode, it’s an old one….or maybe it’s a new one. It’s either an old one or a new one.
- Deep down I’m cleverer than you all
- In answer to the question ‘Which country has the largest population: the UK, Australia, China or Russia?’, Lee proclaimed ‘Australia, it’s got to be, it’s bigger than all the others.’
- In answer to the question ‘What is the capital of Russia?’, Lee said ‘Africa.
- Bob Dylan just covered The Byrds.
- There’s no such word as new.
- Fashion doesn’t exist.
- You can’t make predictions. Nirvana will be the biggest band in the world in 20 years time.
- It’s illegal to have an odd-numbered house next to an even-numbered house.
- Change happens at the beginning and end of transitions – never in the middle.
- A friend phoned Lee and told him he’d been engaged for ages Lee said, ‘Have I, who to?'”;
- Is the solar eclipse tomorrow morning or tomorrow night?
- Was the Catholic Church formed BC or AD?
- I didn’t plagiarise, I copied from a really obscure book.
- Linda McCartney – Was that John Lennon’s wife?
- Nobody came before the Beatles
- Beethoven and Tchaikovsky formed the world’s first supergroup
- I don’t like Maths because it’s too subjective, I prefer History.
- Hey guys, I’ve just been watching this TV programme and magic’s not real!!
- Football’s really repetitive, motor racing is much better.
- Those £2 lottery scratchcards are really complicated, I mucked up the first one and had to buy another.
- Scratchcards are a rip-off, there’s only a 1-in-6 chance of winning. I bought 5 and gave up.”;
- They keep Indian takeaways warm by pouring hot oil on them.
- I’m not stupid, it’s just stupid when I say something stupid and I don’t mean to be stupid ‘cos that would be stupid and that’s what’s stupid.
- Children see everything as if they are underwater until the age of three.
- My girlfriend is a cross between Britney Spears and Gwyneth Paltrow, but nicer, and younger
Why are some in bold italics? Because I’m waiting for the day they pop up as quote of the day on LinkedIn